


Stealth Dating

by Marionhood



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Stealth dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 16:09:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10745145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marionhood/pseuds/Marionhood
Summary: In which the Twins refuse to make friends the normal way, Vox Machina are confused and Percy is just oblivious





	Stealth Dating

“Oi. You!”

Percival looked up because of the loud noise, not because he thought he was the intended recipient. He was shocked to see a set of dark mischievous eyes fixed on him.

“Me?” He managed.

The woman was about his age, lean and wild looking, with dark hair that seemed untameable hanging around a pale face. She was smirking, leaning back against the large desk occupied by the Duty Officer outside the holding cells.  The officer in question was busy filling out some forms on the desk and ignoring the lot of them.

“Yep. What’s your name?”

A lifetime of careful manners took over and he said,

“Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski De Rolo the third.” Her eyes widened with glee and he felt a lead weight settle in his stomach. “But please,” he begged. “Just Percival is fine.”

She laughed freely, tipping her head back and showing the two teal feathers she had fixed in her hair.

“What’re you in here for, Mr De Rolo?” She drawled.

Percival shifted uncomfortably. The holding cells were cold and damp, probably a deliberate design choice on their part, and the steel bench he was sitting on was far from satisfactory.

“I got into a fight.” He managed, staring at her through the cracked lenses of his spectacles. The large bruise on the side of his face throbbed as he spoke and she winced in sympathy.

“I can see that. And why,” She asked archly, “Did you get into this fight?”

He thought back to the university, the sneers and glances from the Briarwoods, the barbed comments and their gloating stares as Campus Security handed him over to the Police.

“Someone insulted my family.” He said at last. “I lost my temper.”

She stared at him for a long moment, eyes slightly narrowed. Then she turned and rapped her knuckles on the desk. 

“Sam darling,” She smiled widely at the policeman, her accented purr adding h’s that weren’t there to her speech. “I’ll be taking that one as well. How much for the pair?”

Sam snorted and reached for another sheaf of papers.

“That one you just gotta sign out. Your brother has a £100 fine.”

“Excuse me,” Percival stood up, alarmed. “What are you doing?” 

She grinned at him. 

“Getting you out of here.” 

“But you don’t even know me!” He yelled, confused. She turned back to the papers she was signing and ignored him.

“Listen mate,” Percival jumped a foot in the air as the shadow he’d previously thought was empty at the back of the cell spoke. “It’s easier to just go along with her.” The shadow moved and coalesced into a young man, almost identical to the woman who was freeing him, only slightly heavier set. The man grinned at him. It was not a terribly comforting expression. “Once she’s taken a liking to you, that’s it. You're hers”

“Who are you people?” Percival demanded.

There was a click and the cell doors swung open, Sam waiting impatiently to show them out.

The women grinned. 

“I’m Vex’ahlia,”

“And I’m Vax’ildan.” The man moved almost silently out the cell, Percival following him in a shell-shocked daze, stumbling to freedom. Vex’ahlia roughly shoved their papers in the pocket of her leather jacket and linked arms with the two men. “But you can call us Vax and Vex.”

“And I think,” She added brightly as they headed for the exit, “I’ll call you Percy.”

Percival’s next thought was compounded by the terrifying smiles each twin wore.

_Someone please save me_.

* * *

 Now he’d met them, the twins seemed to be everywhere. Initially, it seemed as though they’d just vanish into the night, on the back of the enormous black motorcycle they seemed to share. It had a sidecar, but strangely neither of them rode in it, both choosing to sit astride the bike. They’d refused Percival’s offer of repayment and simply waved him off, Vex winking at him as she went.

* * *

And then,

“Is this what you choose to do with the freedom I bought you?” Percival froze, nose inches away from the textbook he was studying, “Bury yourself away in a dusty library?” He lifted his head slowly and spotted the familiar figure standing nonchalantly in front of his table. “Oh, Percy darling there’s so much more to life than studying.” She was dressed in leather and jeans again, ripped and battered around the edges like she wore them a lot. Her leather jacket had a large glossy fur collar he realised, dark enough black that it blended in with her hair. He hadn’t noticed it the last time.

“Not if you study engineering.” He mumbled.

Her smile grew and she sauntered closer to peer at his books. 

“How are you?” Percival asked, because it was pleasantries or the realisation that this girl was getting incredibly close to him and he honestly didn’t think he could cope with that.

“I’m simply wonderful,” she winked at him before reaching out with one fast hand and tugging gently at his messy white hair. “Love the colour darling.”

She strode off, moving unnaturally gracefully between the shelves. Percival watched her go, one hand absently flattening down his hair.

* * *

And again,

“Here, I’ll trade you.”

Percival blinked as the banana he hadn’t really wanted vanished off of his tray replaced by a green apple.

“But that’s mine.” He managed, staring at the twin who’d sat down next to him.

Vax shrugged, already peeling the fruit.

“You like that one better.”

This was true. Percival had only taken the banana because he could feel his sister’s disapproving gaze from a hundred miles away and it had been the only kind of fruit left. She had _views_ on healthy eating.

“How did you know that?” He asked, wide-eyed. He’d gotten his glasses fixed since he’d wound up at the police station so the other man was in perfect magnified clarity.

Vax stared at him without blinking. While his sister seemed to exude charm, Vax was worryingly unnerving.

“I’ve been watching you.” He said at last.

Percy turned back to his tray and tried not to feel terrified.

* * *

And then,

“You poor thing!” The red-haired woman winced at him so sympathetically that Percival began to feel sorry for himself as a result. “You must be so confused.” She had grabbed him in the corridor, holding him firmly by the shoulders as she looked him up and down. 

“That would be one word for it.” He swallowed. “Percival Fredrick…”

“Oh, I know who you are, silly!” She beamed at him, seizing the hand he’d been offering and shaking it tightly. “I know everything about you. I’m Keyleth.”

Percival began to wonder if everyone at this university was justifiably insane, or if it was just his luck.

“Hello.” He swallowed. “How do you know who I am?” 

“Oh, the Twins!” She paused and seemed to take in his general expression. It was probably hovering somewhere between horror and fear. “Vax and Vex. They said they knew you. Oh, I swear if they were lying to me again…”

“I…I know them.” She grinned at him again. It was a lot like looking at a particularly happy Labrador. “But how…”

“How do I know everything about you?” She finished dryly. “Vax tends to go overboard whenever Vex adopts someone new. They like you though.”

“That’s…nice.” 

“Oh, I’ve got class.” She pushed her hat, something ornate with what looked like antlers framing her face, further up her head. “See you soon, Percy!”

* * *

 Once more, 

“Don’t look up!”

Percival was a curious person by nature and so he looked directly up into the branches of the tree he was sitting under. Then he turned bright red, squeaked and clapped a hand over his eyes firmly.

There was a muffled thump as someone dropped down onto the grass next to him.

“Are you blushing?” Vex asked gleefully.

Percival pointedly refused to uncover his eyes.

“I’m sorry for looking.” He mumbled, feeling his ears burning with embarrassment.

She laughed.

“You are not the first man to see up my skirt. Hazard of studying in trees.” He felt fingers wrap gently around his hand and pry it away from his face. “Might be the most bashful though.” She teased as he looked at her.

Vex, short skirt and all, sat down next to him and propped her book open on one knee.

“What happened to study being a waste of one’s life?” He asked curiously. She appeared to be reading a book on environmental science. It was clearly second hand and heavily annotated in a way that made him want to wince.

“Oh, that’s just studying indoors.” She glanced around. “You’ve got to admit it’s much nicer out here.”

Percival just stared at her for a moment before returning to his own book.

They read for almost half an hour before there was a loud crash from the nearby path as a huge man stumbled past, a tiny woman with almost blindingly blonde hair balanced carefully on his shoulders.

“Look!” The woman cried, pointing at the two of them. “It’s Vex and Percy!”

The huge man waved at them, grinning broadly. Vex waved back before she leant over and kissed Percy on the cheek. Then she got up and sprinted after her friends.

_What?_ Percy thought to himself.

* * *

And now…

“Okay, my friend.” The short man in a violently purple shirt dropped down next to Percival in the bar. Percival recognised him as the man who’d been serenading a group of medical students several minutes ago. “I think it’s time someone clued you in.”

“I wish someone would,” Percy muttered into his beer. The man snorted. 

“The name’s Scanlan Shorthalt. And…” He spoke over Percy’s attempt to introduce himself. “You’re Percy. Now I’m going to tell you a little story about some mutual acquaintances of ours. The twins have…issues…” He screwed up his face. “About permanency and people. Which means once they take a liking to someone they don’t let them go. Ever!” He widened his eyes dramatically, an effect aided by the amount of eyeliner the man was wearing. “When I first met them they _literally_ followed me around for weeks. I used to find Vax asleep outside my dorm room and Vex going through my bank statements!”

Percival is suddenly immediately glad that he lives off campus. And then immediately concerned about the large tree with lots of climbable branches outside his bedroom window. He resolves to add more locks.

“And that didn’t concern you?” He asked the singer.

Scanlan waved that off. 

“Nah. They’re mostly harmless. My point is if they’ve decided you’re theirs…” He grinned. “Best just to accept it and move on. So…” he held out his phone. “I’ll need your number, social media contacts and…” He squinted. “Your availability for the next three Fridays.”

Percival gave in, miserably resigning himself to his fate.

“Wait…” A thought occurred to him. “What if it wasn’t both of them?” He’d sat in that cell with Vax for nearly three hours without knowing the other man was even there. It was Vex’ahlia who had taken notice of him.

Scanlan, in the middle of adding Percy to a group chat, looked up and smirked.

“Well, my friend, that is slightly different.”

* * *

 And just like that Percival suddenly had friends. His sister laughed when he called to explain the situation, but encouraged him to make the most of it. 

“You don’t get out enough, Percy.” She chided. “It’ll be good for you. Besides I worry about you, all alone at that university.” Growing up he’d never been alone, not even for a minute, but somehow, he’d grown used to his solitude. Suddenly he was thrown back into a whirlpool of firends and social obligations, the undertow catching his feet and dragging him down before he even had a chance to catch his breath.  

He spent days studying under trees with Keyleth and Pike working quietly beside him and Vex somewhere up in the canopy. Scanlan, Grog and Vax were always quick to drag him out to bars or competitions, quickly realising Percy’s weakness for challenges.

He’d been flattened by Trinket, Vex’s enormous Newfoundland which rode in the side car of her motorcycle, more times than he could count. Gigantic paws inevitably landing on particularly delicate bits of flesh, whilst the dog’s so called “ _mother_ ” cackled from nearby.

Nights where he came home and found his flat had been broken into but instead of stealing his TV the burglars had brought pizza and movies and complained loudly that he was late and they wanted to get the film started already! Somehow, he always found himself curled up on the sofa with Vex and…not entirely certain how he got there.

Percy no longer jumped at shadows because the thing moving in them was almost _always_ Vax, who seemed to express affection through dark scowling and crude humour.

There was the time Grog had taken one look at Percy’s hunching shoulders and the Briarwood's awful gleeful expressions and had just lost it, pitching an entire tureen of jelly across the canteen at them. The resulting food fight caused hundred of pounds worth of damage and the sight of the Briarwoods just  _dripping_ with food would stay with Percy forever. Grog, amazingly, managed to avoid blame because he had five other testimonies that claimed it was an accident. Percy suspected it had been Pike’s word that had sealed the faculties mind. No one would ever expect her to lie.

When term ended and Cassandra came down from Whitestone to visit him she stared around his flat in surprise.

“I see your friends are over often.” She said gently.

Percy frowned at her.

“How…”

Cassandra stared at him flatly and then nodded to the potted plants he hadn’t realised he had, the keg of beer propped in one corner, no less than six harmonicas, several throwing stars stuck in the back of his door, the copious amounts of dog fur and the pile of assorted hoodies, socks and leather jackets.

“Oh,” He managed.

“Idiot.” His sister said fondly. 

* * *

 

It isn’t until Cassandra comes out to the pub with them that Percy finally catches on. By that point, it’s been almost seven months since Vex bailed him out of jail.

They’re sitting in their usual booth, slightly more crammed together than normal with his sister there. Pike is perched on Grog’s knee, explaining to him patiently why using his beer to gesticulate is a bad idea. For his part, Grog appeared to be transfixed by how shiny Pike’s weird glowing hair was and probably wasn’t listening. Scanlan was boisterously telling a story of how Vax had convinced Keyleth to go out with him, which mostly seemed to involve Vax following her around until she realised he was in love with her. Vax was smirking into his drink and Keyleth, who was a ludicrous lightweight, had started giggling. Percy was sitting at the edge of the booth, doing his best to ignore the weight of Vex’s arm where she had slung it across the back of the seat, and the warmth of her body as she leaned into him.

“So how long have you two been dating?” Cassandra asked at the conversational lull.

Percy didn’t respond because he was too busy looking at Vax and Keyleth and waiting for the answer. Their relationship was something ambiguous that Percy had never really been able to get a firm understanding of.

“Oh, about six months now, dear,” Vex said cheerily, lifting her drink.

Cassandra smacked at his arm and he yelped, staring at her.

“What!” He demanded.

She was scowling fiercely.

“How could you not tell me you were seeing Vex’ahlia?”

Percival stared at her. 

“What? But I’m not…” He looked round the table at the amused expressions of his friends, several of whom were starting to laugh. Then he turned in his seat to stare at Vex, who winked at him. “We’re not…”

Except now that he thought about it, they were. He had a least one outing with just Vex a week, she bought him lunch and never had to ask for his order. He’d been bringing her coffee every morning she had class for the last three months because she was a terrible morning person. He went to her when he was feeling sad or wanted to share some achievement and she did the same. And…how the _hell_ had he managed to acquire a girlfriend without noticing?

“And the penny drops,” Scanlan announced loudly as Percy continued to stare blankly at Vex. She had started looking smug and darted in to kiss his cheek. 

“Wait,” Cassandra pressed. “Did you not know you were dating her?”

Scanlan snorted.

“It’s not surprising. The twins have a weird way of getting to know people. They just insert themselves into your life until you automatically accept them and then,” He widened his eyes. “They never leave!”

Grog laughed. 

“Took Keyleth ages to catch on.” He told Cassandra.

“Is he going to stop staring at her soon?” Pike asked, sounding concerned.

Cassandra laughed. 

“He’s processing. It’ll take a moment.” There was a pause and then she said. “Brother, it’s not considered polite to try and stick your tongue down a lady’s throat in front of friends and family.”

Followed by,

“VEX’AHLIA!” Vax whined in protest. “Not in front of me!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey,   
> My first work for this fandom. Hope you liked it!  
> H


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